-Updated With Video-
Sina: How are you feeling these days? You seem nervous.Tao: Really, I’ve never been so nervous, today I would like to clear up a few misunderstandings, I am prepared. I don’t know why I’m so nervous, I feel lost, kind of down.
Sina: Why do you feel down?
Tao: Because some things aren’t what people think they are. There were things that I didn’t know that happened, and suddenly it got spread out. So I don’t feel honest.
Sina: Are there people you’re with who say you’re popular and a lot of people want to interview you?
Tao: I’ve honestly never said that, but I can’t be sure that there weren’t staff in the events who would make jokes like that. A lot of them weren’t even staff.
Sina: You even made Wang SiTsong make a statement saying that you go on dates a lot. Does he know you? Is your love life crazy?
Tao: I don’t know him, I don’t know the things he said. I don’t have a love life, I can bet on it, really. I only have music, only my dreams.
Sina: About media saying you are conceited, what do you think about that?
Tao: I’ve never even thought I was good enough, why would I be conceited? All the things I’ve worked for up till now was to be able to prove myself.
Sina: How about last year when you were vacationing at Sanya (city in China), when you were caught holding your stick at following fans, what happened?
Tao: Actually, I was taking two loved members for a vacation. They wanted to go international, but we compromised. After getting off the flight, we immediately went on the car, we were really nervous. On the road to the hotel, we saw two cars following us, we didn’t know what they were doing. A member asked if they were following us to the hotel. I asked the taxi to stop so I can talk to them. We saw two men with cameras. I spoke to them with a polite attitude asking them to stop following us, but they still did. They were driving and yelling at us. We never knew things like this would happen after flight.
The stick, I picked up as a sign to protect myself. I never really wanted to attack. I was scared at that moment, the two other members were both younger than me, they didn’t know Chinese. I brought them here, if something happened, I would be held responsible.
Sina: On the topic of members, I remember on Weibo, you liked a gif set consisting of a picture that showed you shoving fellow member Baekhyun angrily. What happened?
Tao: I shoved Baek, it actually had a full video. In the video you could see we were joking around. I love every EXO member. I don’t know why they would cut this moment out, every member jokes around.
Sina: Then why did you like it?
Tao: At that moment I didn’t want to do anything, so I can only look at these things.
Sina: Also, on the stage you asked fans to take off their clothes, why is that?
Tao: Back then it was really hot, I was really hot. It was too hot so I asked them to take off their clothes as a joke. My choice of words were flawed, I am very sorry. This will never happen again.
Sina: I remember on facebook, you changed your icon to a picture with the word “FUCK”.
Tao: At that time I don’t remember what happened, it must be things happening in private. I don’t care if people hate me online, but in real life I would feel angry. I was a little overboard, my attitude wasn’t great, so I changed it to that picture. I didn’t know who to talk to about my feelings. Then I deleted it, also because I thought I went overboard.
I am really sorry, I apologize, I won’t ever put those things up again.
Sina: Why didn’t you explain these things back then?
Tao (crying): Even if I explained, it’s no use. The people who hate you, who look down on you would make things even worse. It’s okay when media say things about me and misunderstand me. However if rumor after rumor keep on going, the pressure will be too high, I can’t bear it any longer.
Sina: Why is it when things happen, a lot of people believe the bad rumors? Have you thought about it?
Tao: I really don’t know. Maybe it’s me, but if I say something there would still be people who don’t believe me, so it’s really hard.
That’s why today I’ve come to explain everything and tell the truth to all the things that’ve happened. I have my own problems and I am sorry.
Sina: Are you going to be more cautious now?
Tao: Sometimes, when something happens, you are able to grow up in one night.
Sina: Can you provide an example?
Tao: For example when I hurt my leg, it changed my future, if my leg didn’t get injured, I don’t know if I would leave SM.
Before, I talked to SM many times, I told them all the flaws. In the company, every time someone is too tired, gets sick, no one is there to ask us “Are you able to do this? We can cancel.” Instead, the most heard was “Just hold on a little longer, it will be over soon and you can go home.”
Every time I hear this, I always persist. But when I can’t stand it any longer, I ask myself, why would I put myself up to this?
My leg got injured this year on February, then I couldn’t even walk, the company still wanted me for magazine shoots and shoot VCR’s. It was below freezing, I just got out of the hospital, they still made me do it. The doctor didn’t let me dance, but they still had me filming the MV. Even if I was iron, I really can’t stand this, okay?!
But a lot of people don’t know about these things, a lot of things. I didn’t even tell my father.
Sina: This year April, you decided to leave EXO and terminate the contract with SM, did you worry? When Kris and Luhan left, you did say they “betrayed”. Aren’t you afraid fans would call you a hypocrite?
Tao: Of course there will be fans who would say this, but after I’ve done it there will be no regrets. My personality at that time really was impulsive, probably said things that shouldn’t have been said, did things that shouldn’t have been done. Now I regret it, I will fix myself.
Me saying things like that about Kris, there were also private relationship reasons. But in the group my relationship with Kris was the best, but I don’t know why he just left. I only knew about it when I woke up to watch the news, so I felt overwhelmed.
I really did see him as a great brother, a great friend, but when he left he never told me. I wrote many things, including our first interaction to debut, from trainee to now and our whole history. I wrote it all down.*
Sina: Why didn’t you post it? It’s very emotional.
Tao: Because I was still in the group, I have to also think about EXO, I couldn’t just think all for him. I asked my manager if I should post it, he said yes. I asked friends, they said no because people will talk about it. My manager insisted for me to post it, saying it would help the group.
At the end I posted it. I felt tortured, having to be stuck in between sides.
Sina: After all, have you connected with Kris or Luhan?
Tao: I always connect with Luhan. But I don’t know if Kris will forgive me. I’m afraid he would think about all the things I’ve said.
If I have the chance, I would tell him; “My actions were thoughtless. If it was now, I will support you.” I also hope everything goes well for him, hope he can listen to what I have to say.
Sina: After you left, did you think about your father’s opinion? You and your father seem very close, your father even sent the letter asking for you departure.
Tao: I tell my father everything. He feels very sorry for me. Back then he didn’t really support my decision as an artist, he wanted me to enlist in the military. But when I was 15 or 16, I wrote a letter to my father, asking him to give me some space and to learn music.
I slid it under my father’s door, and after the paper was gone, he supported my decision.
My father’s job is related to financials. My family isn’t poor, but we don’t have a lot of money either. My parents raised me without giving me any pocket money, only money for food. From the age of 18 till now, the money I’ve spent was my own hard earned money, I’ve never asked my parents for money.
I just think that going to school doesn’t impact me much, because I felt that there were more important things that needs to be done. At that time I wanted to be a celebrity. I told the people around me, but they laughed at me, saying I couldn’t. I wanted to show them, it was possible.
Before terminating the contract with SM, I fought with my father once over the phone. He told me to come, my injury was so bad, he’d rather me not be an artist. I said I wanted to be an artist. My leg is injured, but my voice can still sing, it’s just that I can’t dance. I sometimes can’t be honest with my feelings. The bad things that happened to me in Korea, my father knows. When he wrote that letter, he wrote down all the things I’ve said to him. My mom told me, he cried writing it. I’m grateful for my father.
Sina: Why were you so passionate in becoming a celebrity?
Tao: Because I love music. When I was little I loved listening to my seniors Jay Chou, Wang LiHong, and JJ, the way they performed on stage really had an attractive aura. So many people went to listen to them, it’s really because of this I fell in love with music.
Sina: When your father told you to share this situation, did you think about how people would feel negatively towards this?
Tao: I really didn’t think about it, I just wanted to heal my leg.
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